Conversations on Masculinity: Lessons from Diverse Lives And Generations
The salient point of today's discourse centers on the imperative of pursuing a life aligned with one’s highest values, as articulated through the concept of success being the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. We engage in a profound dialogue that traverses the complexities of personal experiences, particularly in the context of fatherhood and the enduring impact of paternal legacies. Our conversation navigates through the tribulations faced by individuals as they grapple with loss, the societal expectations surrounding masculinity, and the intricate dynamics of contemporary relationships. We further explore the significance of establishing strong familial bonds and the necessity of proactive communication in navigating life’s challenges. Ultimately, we aim to underscore the importance of resilience and authenticity as we endeavor to sculpt a life of purpose and fulfillment.
The discussion commences with an exploration of the concept of success, articulated as the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. It emphasizes the importance of pursuing goals that align with one’s highest values, which is posited as essential for a fulfilled and successful life. The speakers engage in a dialogue that traverses various life experiences, asserting that wisdom can be gleaned from individuals across diverse backgrounds, whether they be entrepreneurs, construction managers, or simply everyday individuals. This premise sets the stage for a deeper examination of personal growth and the lessons that can be extracted from the myriad paths people take in life.
Takeaways:
- The podcast emphasizes that success is defined as the progressive realization of a worthy ideal, reflecting one's highest values.
- It is posited that living a fulfilled life necessitates pursuing goals aligned with personal values and ideals, which fosters inspiration.
- Listeners are encouraged to learn from diverse individuals across all walks of life, recognizing the value in varied experiences and perspectives.
- The conversation highlights the importance of maintaining one's purity and integrity, particularly for women, as it relates to personal value and relationships.
- The episode touches on the significance of familial relationships, particularly the impact of fathers on their sons and the lessons passed down through generations.
- They delve into the complexities of modern relationships, stressing the need for clear communication and understanding in co-parenting situations.
Transcript
This.
Speaker A:Hey, everybody, welcome back to the NJ Podcast.
Speaker A:Remember that success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.
Speaker A:That means you're going after what you've always wanted to go after, because it's aligned with your highest values.
Speaker A:And that's the only way you can live a truly fulfilled and inspired and successful life.
Speaker A:We talk with people from all different walks of life, whether you're an entrepreneur, you are the African Andrew Tate.
Speaker B:Don't do that.
Speaker A:We'll crop that one out.
Speaker A:You're a Pirate supporter, which means that you're an actual football fan, actual proper football fan.
Speaker A:You're a construction manager.
Speaker A:You have wisdom and you know about what's going on in other people's lives, even though they don't know what's going on in their lives, you know, before.
Speaker A:And you don't afraid to tell straight.
Speaker A:So I believe that you can learn from anybody across any walk of life.
Speaker A:And on the show today, we have one of my most viewed and the most interviewed person on the podcast, Mr. Karabu.
Speaker A:Kerry.
Speaker A:How you doing, my brother?
Speaker B:Good, good, good.
Speaker A:Good to be back.
Speaker A:Good to be back.
Speaker A:How have you been?
Speaker A:How have you been?
Speaker B:I've been good, man.
Speaker B:You know how it is.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, you've been staying in touch, so.
Speaker A:Yeah, we know, we know, but the people don't know.
Speaker A:The people don't know, but, yeah, I'm.
Speaker B:Back, guys, with another controversy.
Speaker A:Another controversy?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:After you told people that they were ran through that.
Speaker A:That's, that's.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:He said that, not me.
Speaker A:I didn't say it.
Speaker A:I just agreed, but I didn't say it.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:Yeah, so.
Speaker A:So by Red, dude, they.
Speaker A:Did you not get a lot of backlash for that?
Speaker A:Yeah, he probably did.
Speaker B:No, I did.
Speaker B:Yo, people were like.
Speaker B:Especially women, when they were talking about how I put it, they were not really, you know, denying my facts, but how I put it.
Speaker B:So it made me realize that women don't really, you know, care much about what you say.
Speaker B:It's how you say it.
Speaker B:So I think.
Speaker B:So I think in this episode I need to put things.
Speaker A:No, no, that's not what I brought you here for.
Speaker A:That's not what I brought you here for.
Speaker A:I want the truth.
Speaker A:Say with your chest.
Speaker A:Stay with your chest.
Speaker A:No, man.
Speaker A:I mean, some of the.
Speaker A:The audiences, as we were talking before we started recording, actually agreed with what you were saying and said it is a hard truth to accept.
Speaker A:That's facts that this comes from women themselves.
Speaker A:So don't.
Speaker A:Don't come for me.
Speaker A:Even if you do, I Don't care what it is.
Speaker A:That if you as a woman, it's.
Speaker A:It's good for you to maintain your purity.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker A:It's good for you to remain as chaste as much as possible and not just give yourself and your essence to just the whole street.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker A:I mean, because where's your value after that?
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:I mean, except for being a good.
Speaker A:Person, but other than that, like, it's like.
Speaker B:Yeah, well, men don't really care.
Speaker A:If.
Speaker B:I have to be honest.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know what?
Speaker B:Like if, if you, if you keep yourself pure, you know, you, you, you get to demand certain things for a man because, you know, women go around talking about the ones.
Speaker B:A guy that is tall, dark, handsome and rich, but they forget that that man needs to like them back.
Speaker B:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:That's why that man needs to like you back.
Speaker B:And that's a different conversation.
Speaker B:And in order for that type of a dude to like you back, at least be pure.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, so.
Speaker B:Yeah, I think once women get to embrace that truth, which they know in their core.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think relationships in general will be much better.
Speaker B:Will be.
Speaker B:Will have more stable, you know, relationships.
Speaker B:Then families will be built from there, then families.
Speaker B:We got communities and community.
Speaker B:We have a nation.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because right now it's crazy.
Speaker A:Yeah, it is crazy.
Speaker A:Like this, this country is mad with.
Speaker A:With men.
Speaker A:I guess we've talked about this before, but as, as.
Speaker A:As we've grown older and then both of us have lost our fathers now it has started to, like, really dawn on us that I'm.
Speaker A:That a man cannot be a man until his father dies.
Speaker B:No, definitely.
Speaker A:Because by.
Speaker A:At that point, you've got no one else who's your safety net.
Speaker A:And then you start realizing everything your father went through just to provide for you and make sure that you are.
Speaker A:Was good and settled.
Speaker A:And for him to be able to provide and be the good person, he had to go through a lot, a lot of.
Speaker A:He had to make the money, he had to get scammed, he had to just miss prison by an inch.
Speaker A:He had to sacrifice.
Speaker A:And then all of a sudden, that's the person that everybody wants but not everybody can get.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:That'S really rough.
Speaker A:That's really what's crazy.
Speaker A:What do you say to them?
Speaker B:Look, I think, you know, a role of, you know, a father is only seen only after the father is dead.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Because, you know, you don't see him when he's active, you know, when he's getting dirty, when he's really grinding and sacrificing for the family.
Speaker B:And I think it's unfair.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, but.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:The loss of my father, you know.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Recently actually made me realize how.
Speaker B:How much of a superstar he is.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I'm still going through that moment because this happened like six months back.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It was just six months.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I'm still going through it and I'm still phantoming the idea of, like, how we achieved those things that he achieved from just nothing.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:To give us a head start in life.
Speaker B:And even that head start is still not enough.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Ye.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So just, just, just, just.
Speaker A:Just to just take us through it.
Speaker A:I'm honored, by the way, that I was like you.
Speaker A:You sent me a message when your father passed.
Speaker A:I was like, hey, my man, my father passed on.
Speaker A:I'm like, wait, stop everything.
Speaker A:I was like, I'm gonna stop this meeting right now.
Speaker A:I gotta call my guy.
Speaker A:When I called you immediately and then you told me everything was happening, that I sent you whatever money I had at the time.
Speaker A:Sorry it wasn't like ten times more that.
Speaker A:But I wish I.
Speaker A:But when that moment hit that your father was no longer here, what happened?
Speaker A:Like, like physically, mentally, emotionally, at that moment when you realized.
Speaker B:It was crazy.
Speaker B:Because when I got a call, I got a call from the hospital because we are especially alive and I was the one that was seeing him, and he was there for three days.
Speaker B:Last day, me and my little brother went.
Speaker B:And the funny thing is that, you know, you go to the hospital and then you see him deteriorating, not getting better.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:When you get home, you need to send a report that, no, he's getting better.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So that whoever that is praying and whoever that is hopeful.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Especially my mother will press on.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:And it's the most difficult thing that I. I ever did, you know, whereby you see something else and then you reports, you know, something totally different.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:On the last day, you know, I remember going to the hospital with my brother and I told him, guti, hey, not.
Speaker B:Whatever that you're about to see right now is not what I've been telling you.
Speaker A:Ish.
Speaker B:So just brace yourself.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:By the time we got there, it was just, you know, it was a mess.
Speaker B:It was crazy.
Speaker B:It was something that he has never seen him as, well.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So when I got the news the next day, it was a Monday morning.
Speaker B:I think it was Ramadan.
Speaker B:Never forget that day.
Speaker B:I got the news and then I remember my son was playing around, you know, when I got the news, had to tell my mother.
Speaker B:Luckily, I was home, so I had to tell my mother.
Speaker B:My mom was happy.
Speaker B:She was jolly.
Speaker B:And then when telling her all of this, now remember, I can't cry, you know, because I need to hold things down.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:I need to send messages.
Speaker B:I need to.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So I don't have time for myself to actually, you know, be by myself.
Speaker B:Cry.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then you can just deliver the message.
Speaker B:I need to be the one that's holding things down and be like, yo.
Speaker B:Yeah, this is what happened.
Speaker B:This is what happened.
Speaker B:It's like, you were obviously probably the first people that I told at the time, told my cheetah, told us to tell the boys.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, I told you because we recently spoke about the situation so you would relate, you know, what.
Speaker B:What would happen.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:By the time I go to, you know, a room by myself, oh, hey.
Speaker A:Cry like a professional mourner.
Speaker B:And that time I never even cried for more than.
Speaker B:Why am I crying so much?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:But, like, I mean, you sound like you lost a toy.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:You know?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But then.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was just.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then obviously you cry and then you have to wipe your tears.
Speaker B:Now there's a process that needs to happen now.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, of the.
Speaker B:The whole admin now of going to wherever he is, the administration of the body being moved to.
Speaker A:Do you remember that form?
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:The form yet you fill out.
Speaker A:You fill out that form?
Speaker B:Yes, I filled up that form.
Speaker B:And you get a sleep parent.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's another.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm like, what the is going on?
Speaker A:Did it feel like a Twilight Z?
Speaker B:Just like movie and there's lines.
Speaker B:People are dying.
Speaker B:Paradise asking.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Okay, sh.
Speaker B:Go in there as well.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Hey, man, you know, that whole process taught me a lot, actually.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:About being, you know, responsible and knowing what to do.
Speaker B:Should anyone go through that.
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think it's necessary for every man to go through that, actually.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:When someone dies, this is what.
Speaker A:This is what you do.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, I got a great support from my aunt.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:My dad's little sister.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Even though she was crying all over the.
Speaker B:The place where we were.
Speaker B:But, you know, she held things down.
Speaker B:She was the one that was.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, redirecting and said, no, let's go there.
Speaker B:Let's go here and go here.
Speaker B:I think the only difficulty that you have is when.
Speaker B:Now you have to talk, have the uncomfortable conversation.
Speaker A:What's that uncomfortable conversation, you know, the financial side.
Speaker B:Hey, yeah.
Speaker A:Yay.
Speaker B:The financial side of it was that.
Speaker A:Was that tougher than the spiritual part?
Speaker B:Oh, you know what?
Speaker B:It wasn't tough because obviously, you know, for me, I don't want to say money is not the problem, but out.
Speaker B:I can make a plan.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, but you know, the.
Speaker B:I think before we die, it goes back to, you know, one of the things that we spoke about.
Speaker B:Woody, we really, really need to plan our.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So that when we need to, if we.
Speaker A:We go, people know this is do 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Speaker A:So that there's no debate, there's no conversation within a couple of hours, you are finished.
Speaker B:So, you know, I mean, obviously it's my responsibility to do everything, but you know, if, if I was not good, what was gonna happen?
Speaker A:Yeah, what was gonna happen?
Speaker B:You know, and if I didn't get the right support around me, what was from family, you know, friends, what was going to happen if all of those things, you know, were not in place?
Speaker B:Because, you know, in general, you know, as a, as a man, you need to make sure your is in order so that should anything happen to you, we know who to holler.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:This is what happened now.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:But everything went smooth.
Speaker B:Everything went.
Speaker B:I mean, you were there.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And everything was held down.
Speaker B:I'm just thinking on the worst case scenario.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:What was going to happen if.
Speaker B:Let's say I was overseas.
Speaker B:You know, what was going to happen?
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:We'll fly back.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, that's, that's so.
Speaker A:I'm envious of another friend of mine.
Speaker A:They have a monthly family meeting.
Speaker A:And the elders, they sit down, they take out a black file, you know, Black file, you know.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Put it on the table and they go through it.
Speaker A:I'm like.
Speaker A:And then I think facilitates the conversation.
Speaker A:If this is a B1 form that you fill out, this is the cemetery that I want to be buried in.
Speaker A:This is what you need to go.
Speaker A:This is the help that you need to get.
Speaker A:This is where you go.
Speaker A:This is where you go.
Speaker A:Here's my medical aid.
Speaker A:Here's my funeral cover.
Speaker A:Here's my life cover here.
Speaker A:There is this clothes I want to be buried in.
Speaker A:And we go line item by lighter, member by member, by member by member.
Speaker A:Here's the file.
Speaker A:Everyone goes home with a copy.
Speaker B:We know.
Speaker A:We know.
Speaker A:So it's not even.
Speaker A:It's not even a debate.
Speaker A:We bury him and pirates outfit.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Or he wants to and he's put the money aside.
Speaker A:So we all move on.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:But a lot of now we don't.
Speaker B:No, no, definitely.
Speaker B:I think also, you know, me personally, I wouldn't.
Speaker B:These are not the type of conversation that you would have with my father.
Speaker B:My dad was old school.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:The minute you talk to him, Guti, dad, what policies do you have?
Speaker B:He'll be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, you can't ask questions about maybe wills, you know.
Speaker B:Okay, what's going on with wills?
Speaker B:You just assume.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So he's married to my mom, so obviously.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, will go to my mom and then it's just the two of us in Clini.
Speaker B:So, you know, this between me and my brother as well.
Speaker B:It's just an assumption.
Speaker B:But there's no proper structure whereby, you know, these are the things that, you know, would happen.
Speaker B:So I think one of the things that we need to change, you know, in our generation, we need to make wheels.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And we need to talk to our wives and our kids and say, okay, should anything happen to me, this is what's going to happen.
Speaker B:Please contact this lawyer.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Or he'll contact you.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You'll have a family meeting.
Speaker A:Don't talk to me.
Speaker A:Talk to my.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:These are the people that will bury me.
Speaker B:This is my policy.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I've got a million here.
Speaker B:I've got 3 million here.
Speaker B:I got 5 million here.
Speaker B:This one, you understand?
Speaker B:You don't even have to tell them what's going on in the wheel.
Speaker B:But just say there's a wheel.
Speaker B:But these are the people in the wheel.
Speaker B:So should anything happen to me, this is what's going to happen.
Speaker B:That's it.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Answers a lot of questions.
Speaker B:And it also helps with the grievance.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Because you are grieving nicely without having to now, you know, worry after this funeral, what's going to happen?
Speaker B:Exactly what type of meetings are we going to be having as a family?
Speaker B:Because you also have extended family members now that will try to.
Speaker A:Yo.
Speaker A:I heard a w that this one lady in a rural community, she got rich.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Law.
Speaker A:Your border suit.
Speaker A:Lawyer.
Speaker A:Border suit.
Speaker A:I keep my life policy.
Speaker A:You're casual.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker A:I mean, look, I thought that was diabolical, but smart.
Speaker B:I mean, it's very smart because you, you, you look at those small covers.
Speaker B:15,000.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Then 2,000.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, a copy of that certificate for you to give me two grand.
Speaker B:I want to take two, give it to you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So they do that a Lot.
Speaker A:I didn't think that was a practice.
Speaker B:No, no, it is.
Speaker B:People do it all the time.
Speaker B:You get surprised.
Speaker B:I was actually surprised Gutimina, with my dad.
Speaker B:No one had the policy, you know.
Speaker A:On him.
Speaker B:Yeah, on him, like, outside of, like, us or whoever.
Speaker A:Oh.
Speaker B:Like, no one came to me and said.
Speaker B:Yeah, no, no.
Speaker B:It was just, you know.
Speaker A:Did you feel insult.
Speaker A:Insulted that no one came to ask?
Speaker B:Not really.
Speaker B:Because, I mean, no one expected my dad to die like that.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Also, my dad was a very private person.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Most people who came to the funeral was the first time coming to a guy, really, and they were actually surprised.
Speaker B:Most people were there at the funeral.
Speaker B:It was actually the first time they came, and most of them is probably the last time they'll come because there's no reason for them to come.
Speaker B:Okay, exactly.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So, yeah, it was very private.
Speaker B:So you would never, you know, catch him like that.
Speaker B:If you want to catch him, catch him spiritually.
Speaker B:No, no, you wouldn't.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think.
Speaker A:Is that something that you.
Speaker A:You wish to do yourself, a private person?
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker B:You know what?
Speaker B:I think being private brings you peace.
Speaker A:It does.
Speaker B:It also brings you, you know, less pressure as well, you know, but one thing about.
Speaker B:I learned about my father, as much as was a private person, he was also supportive of his family and people that he knew.
Speaker B:One of the things that I heard in his funeral was to go to people's funerals, like, to support.
Speaker B:And I think that's one of the legacies that he has left for us, which made people to actually come for him as well.
Speaker B:Because when you come from the hood, you.
Speaker B:They do to you what you do to them.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Facts.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So now even when you don't like this person, but because he came for you, now you have to go.
Speaker A:Yeah, I need to go.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So those are one of the legacies that he left for us, which made, you know, and now I find myself going to funerals.
Speaker B:I never understood him.
Speaker B:When you dress up and go to a funeral and then come back, now I find myself and be like, oh, now I have to go.
Speaker B:Because this person, you know, he supported us, and we know him.
Speaker B:Back then, I never saw the.
Speaker B:The whole point of I don't know this person.
Speaker B:So now you like.
Speaker B:And I don't even eat.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker B:No man does.
Speaker B:It does not taste.
Speaker A:What about the Southern fried chicken?
Speaker A:There's a taste of.
Speaker B:No, no, no.
Speaker B:You don't even get to that.
Speaker B:So, yeah, now, you know, you.
Speaker B:You offer the Same support.
Speaker B:Because you went through that.
Speaker B:I remember when I called you and I. I was not even expecting anything from you.
Speaker B:I was just letting you know.
Speaker B:I was letting you know so that, you know, I would have been, you know, so I was like, yo, dog.
Speaker B:You know, I was telling people.
Speaker B:And then when you send something, I was like, dog, I was not even expecting that because, I mean, I'm.
Speaker B:I'm trying to send some messages.
Speaker A:It comes from.
Speaker A:I guess it comes from also my dad as well.
Speaker A:As well as my mother, that when someone passes on, you send what you can because that goes a long way for them.
Speaker A:That's what I was told.
Speaker A:Whatever it is that you can.
Speaker A:It may not be a billion dollars, but if you can send a billion dollars, they won't say no to that.
Speaker A:It also shows that you.
Speaker A:You care and that you.
Speaker A:Because I've also been through the process and there are costs associated to that.
Speaker A:So whatever it is you can send.
Speaker A:Like some.
Speaker A:Like my mom, she would sometimes take groceries.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like a lot of groceries.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I see me.
Speaker A:This is how I'm showing myself.
Speaker A:But it goes a long way.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker B:You know, when.
Speaker B:You know, I actually agree with you.
Speaker B:Because when you count all the rens.
Speaker B:And the sense of what was used during the process, and it's in any way, it's very dumb, you know, in my opinion, and I'm saying this with respect.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:Because you.
Speaker B:Why is it that we have to cater for people during the week when they come to support us?
Speaker B:Why should we cook for people?
Speaker A:That is why that is.
Speaker A:That's very true.
Speaker B:You get what I'm saying?
Speaker B:And then by the time it's certain, like, for example, my dad passed on on a Monday.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Meaning that we're gonna be on Saturday.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So from Monday to Saturday, we have to cook every day, probably twice a day.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:In the mix.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:To cater for each and every person that will come to support us.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And they actually wait.
Speaker B:These people wait.
Speaker B:And it's not.
Speaker B:Maybe they are hungry or whatever, but it's.
Speaker B:It's a.
Speaker A:No, it's an expectation.
Speaker B:It's an expectation.
Speaker B:You must get something to eat.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:And that's one of the things, first of all.
Speaker B:I mean, I'm.
Speaker B:I'm one person that is very traditional.
Speaker A:Kuba.
Speaker A:I have a bad connotation to that.
Speaker B:By the way, because if.
Speaker B:If you.
Speaker A:To translate it directly into English, it is a habit.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's a habit.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's a bad habit.
Speaker A:Very bad.
Speaker B:Because it does not help us To, To.
Speaker B:To.
Speaker B:To grieve.
Speaker B:And then also having to feed you because we need the money.
Speaker B:And we also don't have to work hard to make sure to be catering for you.
Speaker B:Yeah, yes, we can appreciate.
Speaker B:But then we don't have to feed you.
Speaker B:But then now in our community, it is being forced upon us.
Speaker B:It has to be like.
Speaker B:I don't know, man.
Speaker B:And because, you know, even they don't even do that.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:They don't even do that.
Speaker A:Very simple.
Speaker A:Not like you come to the house new tenders, but you don't feed them.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And then on a Wednesday.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Two o'.
Speaker A:Clock.
Speaker B:That's probably.
Speaker A:It was Barbie.
Speaker A:No use to me like that.
Speaker A:And then the service is an hour and a half.
Speaker A:You eat your finger foods, you go home.
Speaker A:Exactly the end.
Speaker A:Tina, why.
Speaker B:So Tina, we have to put in, you know, the extra stuff that is unneeded.
Speaker B:You know, I remember us having a.
Speaker A:Meeting saying things are needed because you've actually gone through it.
Speaker B:No, actually not.
Speaker B:When I look back into it, I'm like, but why should a funeral cost so much money when we could have used that money for something else?
Speaker A:So when you say the funeral, was it feeding the people or was it the actual.
Speaker B:So when I say funeral, I'm talking about from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, when people are coming.
Speaker B:And also the funeral.
Speaker A:Yeah, I don't count.
Speaker A:Dude, all of this stuff is optional for me.
Speaker B:Okay, so funeral.
Speaker B:But if, you know, costed money.
Speaker B:Because you know why?
Speaker B:Because the funeral you get.
Speaker B:You, you.
Speaker B:My dad was a simple person.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then you get to a point whereby you want something that is simple.
Speaker B:I love the fact that simple person was not even hard for me to even choose a package.
Speaker B:But then again, now you are.
Speaker B:You are now told it's no, your dad was a giant.
Speaker B:So you must get like a casket, which is not a simple thing.
Speaker A:What do you mean?
Speaker A:You must get a cast.
Speaker B:Because.
Speaker B:No, there's a coffin, which is a normal thing.
Speaker B:Then there's a casket.
Speaker B:The casket is like these big ones.
Speaker A:Oh, these, like that.
Speaker A:That go with this shape.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:No, no, no.
Speaker B:Not seapocks.
Speaker B:No, man, after I remember I was called, I picked up the most simplest package ever.
Speaker B:So that, you know, we're not from the hood, so there's no need for.
Speaker A:You know, pretenses here.
Speaker B:Yeah, no, no, no.
Speaker B:Everyone that was there was supposed to be there.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Sharp.
Speaker B:Hey.
Speaker B:Now after picking the package, now I'm getting a call.
Speaker B:It's like, yo, your dad is big.
Speaker B:Can't even fit in the coffee, the.
Speaker B:The parlor.
Speaker B:And then what they said, and I think it's a scam.
Speaker B:I'm not even gonna use that name because they gave me such great service.
Speaker B:And then he said, so if.
Speaker B:If you can't get like a bigger coffin or a bigger package, it will mean that we need to cut your dad.
Speaker A:What does that mean?
Speaker B:I'll be like, what the.
Speaker B:So whenever I'm singing now because he won't fit on a normal box.
Speaker B:Like on a normal.
Speaker A:What kind of lie is that?
Speaker A:So I'm like, so are you telling me that don't come.
Speaker A:And various sizes.
Speaker B:I learned that when I had to bury my father.
Speaker A:I thought.
Speaker A:I thought, I thought.
Speaker A:You have the material?
Speaker A:Pine.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But comes in like small, medium, large.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:So it's a standard.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So there's different.
Speaker B:There's a coffin, then there's a casket.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So a coffin comes in the standard size.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:Got you, got you.
Speaker B:So they don't tailor for you because anyone dies anytime.
Speaker B:Then they.
Speaker B:You pick a coffin and they put that person in that coffin.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's not like they measure your ass.
Speaker B:Then they do it.
Speaker B:They make it.
Speaker B:No, it's a standard size.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So with the few inches that my dad had, I had to upgrade the whole package, which now comes with the other dramatic stuff as well.
Speaker B:You know, these device hearses.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:You saw and I was like, like, this is unnecessary, man.
Speaker B:So now it looks like you are intention about making a show.
Speaker A:But you know, I was told that.
Speaker B:Good dog.
Speaker B:Listen, you need to get some.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker A:It's like.
Speaker A:It's like having to have an app and then next thing.
Speaker A:Or for you to get rid of the ads.
Speaker A:You need to upgrade.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:That's what happened.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That was a scam.
Speaker A:So I was like, no, no, no.
Speaker B:True.
Speaker B:As in my mind, I was like, they.
Speaker B:So I was.
Speaker B:It was not even.
Speaker B:So as a traditional man, I wouldn't want.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because I don't want to come back and say.
Speaker B:Or him coming back in the dream and say.
Speaker B:You can't.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I was really talking and you know.
Speaker A:How much work that is.
Speaker B:And I heard which one like this happens that gets slaughtered to represent the missing limbs or the missing parts.
Speaker B:But most of the time it's in bus when it comes to.
Speaker B:So if maybe you lost a hand.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then that hand would be used.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It makes sense when you explain it like that.
Speaker B:But it's.
Speaker A:Yeah, but still I'm like, okay, yeah.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Rather just.
Speaker A:Just be.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So you know what this is?
Speaker A:Make sure you got the casket.
Speaker B:So I got that.
Speaker B:And then.
Speaker B:And then, you know, going back to, you know, the contributions that you get from people, you know, that you even least expect, you know, whether it's actually shows you who are the real people in your life, you know, because as is, we can groove, we can do everything together.
Speaker B:But if you're not gonna come to.
Speaker B:For me, then, you know.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Then I know this is what's going on.
Speaker B:I remember, you know, I told my boys, and I want to send a shout out to him.
Speaker B:Clement, he's a chef.
Speaker B:Me and this don't really talk that much.
Speaker B:In fact, at the time he called me, I think we had so many years not talking to each other because of distance.
Speaker B:Hispanic.
Speaker B:We grew up together, though, because this took his time.
Speaker B:We spoke 20 minutes on the phone, and, you know, he was just around to dooza.
Speaker B:And it was like.
Speaker B:In fact, I heard, you know, the news from Amachi that it's on.
Speaker B:I wanted to say, yeah, you know, condolences.
Speaker B:And I'm so.
Speaker B:I'm like, why are you calling me?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:In my mind, though, because I didn't expect that from him and, you know, from people.
Speaker B:They are closer to me than him.
Speaker B:I never really gotten a call or even any.
Speaker B:Not that I want a contribution, but.
Speaker B:Or anything that shows, you know, even this.
Speaker B:I remember one of my camera, like, you come.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, we need to.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Create a storage.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:Shop, you know, that is contribution.
Speaker B:That is Ubuntu, you know, coming through.
Speaker B:Even though those are one of the things that show.
Speaker B:Because most of you look, okay, who was there, who was not there, you know, and then you'll be like, oh, okay, yeah.
Speaker A:And someone wasn't there.
Speaker A:They say, I couldn't be there.
Speaker B:Yes, exactly.
Speaker B:You know, and then I saw a lot of people that I didn't even expect to see.
Speaker B:And that really touched me.
Speaker B:That made me to actually step up as well and say, look, you know what?
Speaker B:I need to also be there for those people and be intentional about people that I love, you know, and.
Speaker B:Yeah, cool designs out as well.
Speaker B:You know, seeing us grow up.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Seeing us doing hot man things.
Speaker A:Hey, Joe.
Speaker B:I mean, you know, it's just crazy.
Speaker A:You know, Wait till you have to buy a wheelbarrow.
Speaker A:That's when you know.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So, yeah, those are one of those moments.
Speaker B:They just humble you.
Speaker B:And then now you have to show Ubuntu and, you know, Stay in touch with those people.
Speaker B:Because you don't, like.
Speaker B:You don't want to be alone during that time.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:That's something.
Speaker A:No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker B:You don't wanna.
Speaker B:Especially on a Sunday.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So now you must think.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:What was that day like?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Right after that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:For me.
Speaker B:But I needed that day because I was so busy.
Speaker B:So I think it was that time for me to now, you know, focus on my own emotions and say, okay, you know what?
Speaker B:Now I can cry.
Speaker B:Now I can, you know, sleep.
Speaker B:Finally.
Speaker A:It's true.
Speaker A:Because, you know, hello.
Speaker B:Open a bottle of.
Speaker B:I forgot what bottle was it?
Speaker B:Whiskey.
Speaker B:Started drinking it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Next day I hit the gym.
Speaker B:Life must continue.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:Life must continue.
Speaker A:Like the hard reality is that the world is not going to stop for your grief.
Speaker B:No, no, definitely.
Speaker B:Life must continue.
Speaker B:Still have to wake up, make money.
Speaker A:Very true.
Speaker B:Still have to make your partner happy.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:Because.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:Like I remember.
Speaker A:I remember my dad passes the.
Speaker A:The people at work.
Speaker A:Remember the CEO I was working with at the time, he's like, it's tough losing a parent.
Speaker A:I know what it's like.
Speaker A:Take the time that you need.
Speaker A:I read between the lines.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:It means you have two days, tops.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And don't make me call you because we don't want to be insensitive.
Speaker A:You know, Take the time.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:But I know that everything went well.
Speaker B:I think now it's.
Speaker B:It's the new lifestyle or new life that I'm living now, whereby I have to, you know, there will be time.
Speaker B:Like.
Speaker A:You remember.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I'm like, yo, I remember my dad who called me or, you know, if I'm there with him.
Speaker B:You just.
Speaker B:Your kid.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:As we need a lot.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:It's one of those.
Speaker B:I don't want to cry on camera, but.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's.
Speaker A:What's one of those.
Speaker B:One of those moments.
Speaker B:Yeah, but.
Speaker B:Yeah, up the box.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's those moments whereby you hear his favorite song.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, and brings out that.
Speaker A:Those memories.
Speaker A:Your birthday is his birthday.
Speaker A:Christmas.
Speaker B:Christmas, you know, just coming through.
Speaker B:You imagine him, she walking around smoking his weed or smoking his cigarettes.
Speaker B:He loved weed.
Speaker B:My dad loved.
Speaker A:Oh, okay.
Speaker A:He was on that.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was on that.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:But he never smoked those strains.
Speaker B:Those.
Speaker B:You smoke pure weed?
Speaker B:No, no, he smoked pure wheat.
Speaker B:Regular wheat.
Speaker B:Regular wheat.
Speaker B:Yeah, regular wheat.
Speaker B:Not.
Speaker A:Salmonella.
Speaker B:Salmonella.
Speaker B:Whatever.
Speaker B:No, no, no.
Speaker B:Regular weed.
Speaker B:Not the cryptocurrency.
Speaker B:No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker B:No, no, not that.
Speaker B:So, yeah, I. I would always see, you know, shadow there by the garden.
Speaker B:He loved gardening.
Speaker B:Just see him, you know, walking around then.
Speaker B:No, that's it.
Speaker B:We never spoke that much, me and him, but whenever we spoke, it was just, you know, straight to the point.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:And we talk, you know, boy stuff.
Speaker B:Yeah, well.
Speaker B:And I think you get me up, you know, on the road because I think I remember when he was sick and lean, he never wanted anyone to touch him except for me, you know.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Like, you know, I'm not touching that way, but in a way, Guti, like, if you wanted something, you just want me to handle it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, and I think that's one of the things that I would always and forever appreciate.
Speaker B:And also it gives me that drive to say what.
Speaker B:He was actually ushering me into the new role.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, you would see.
Speaker B:Ain't fit now.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was just passing on the platon and yeah, we spoke a couple of times and you make jokes and yeah, I'll forever be same ship.
Speaker A:No, of course, I never goes away.
Speaker A:It never goes away.
Speaker A:So now looking towards the future, because you yourself are a dad now, you have to continue fathering your child without your father there.
Speaker A:How do you think you're going to handle that transition?
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:You know, I remember when it.
Speaker B:It even started when our.
Speaker B:When I was crying, my son was asking.
Speaker B:My son is 5.
Speaker B:He was asking, dad, why are you crying?
Speaker B:I'm like.
Speaker B:He calls him Uncuru.
Speaker B:I'm like, he's gone.
Speaker A:He's not coming back.
Speaker B:Yeah, he's gone.
Speaker B:And he's like, kunu's gone.
Speaker B:I'm like, yeah.
Speaker B:So now I need to explain to him in a way that he might even understand.
Speaker B:I'm like, okay, went to the sky.
Speaker B:Well, I'm trying to make it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, five year old.
Speaker B:I'm like, went to this guy now.
Speaker B:Ish.
Speaker B:How do I do this now?
Speaker B:You know, so obviously the transition of me being a father without a father.
Speaker B:Sounds bad.
Speaker A:Yeah, it is.
Speaker B:Father without a father is.
Speaker A:Is continuing to father.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yes, I think I would.
Speaker B:I'll forever take, you know, the disciplinarian ship, if that's the word.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You know, that he has instilled in me.
Speaker B:My.
Speaker B:Me and my dad were never best friends, you know, we never had.
Speaker B:I only started calling him dad when he was older because he was always a father.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Not a dad.
Speaker A:Yeah, okay.
Speaker B:He was a father.
Speaker B:Yeah, he was a dad.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Obviously, use everything and anything that you'd use.
Speaker B:Oh, I remember this belt here, actually.
Speaker B:Snake skin.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But not being stood, you know, just to be fair.
Speaker B:But I've been Charlotte.
Speaker A:And did that help your character or did it make it worse?
Speaker B:It did help, but if I was a rebellious child, it was gonna be.
Speaker B:It was gonna make me worse.
Speaker B:Because I think, you know, we need to draw a line when it comes to disciplining our kids.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because the Bible talks about, you know.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:If you spray the rod, you spoil the child.
Speaker B:You spoiled it.
Speaker B:So, you know, when a foot gray.
Speaker B:You have a tulu.
Speaker B:So it's just that we need to.
Speaker B:Just so I think the only.
Speaker B:I think that's one of the things that I will inherit from him, you know, just discipline.
Speaker B:And I was very fortunate.
Speaker A:I'm watching him.
Speaker A:I'm watching him.
Speaker A:I, I hey watching him.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So it'll be much easier because it's just legacy.
Speaker B:You know, you take from your father and then you pass it down.
Speaker B:Obviously, you know, you're not alone.
Speaker B:You know, you have people that you can corn.
Speaker B:We were raised by a village.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's not like now what we see whereby cannot be beaten.
Speaker A:It's fair game.
Speaker A:Everyone can beat you.
Speaker B:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker B:Back in the days, you can't.
Speaker B:You can't dis another man's child.
Speaker B:You mind your own business.
Speaker A:But that's true.
Speaker B:Hey.
Speaker B:But now, you know, you.
Speaker B:You create your own village within your own family or your circle of friends.
Speaker B:Yeah, but so.
Speaker B:But you know, the biggest thing that my father, you know, did, you know, for me was to sacrifice.
Speaker B:And I've spoken to this to you on our previous.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Episode.
Speaker B:You know, the sacrifices that he's made and also him becoming a provider.
Speaker B:Just a provider.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:This guy, you know what?
Speaker B:This guy just provided in.
Speaker B:Didn't have stress or, you know, it didn't complicated life.
Speaker B:He just became a provider.
Speaker B:He was not perfect, but he was just a provider.
Speaker B:And that.
Speaker B:I think that's one of the things that makes you a man.
Speaker B:You know, those are one of the qualities that you need to become a man.
Speaker A:Thank you for it or not.
Speaker B:Whether they thank you for it or not, unfortunately, that's your rule.
Speaker B:You have to do it.
Speaker B:Or what are you gonna do?
Speaker B:Like I'm gonna stop providing because you guys are.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:You guys are ungrateful pastors.
Speaker B:I'm not providing.
Speaker B:K.
Speaker A:You know, to say thank you.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, I.
Speaker B:At least I got a chance to appreciate him and Tell him in his face.
Speaker B:Give him his flowers and.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's good.
Speaker A:No, that's.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker B:I'm sure you share the same sentiments now.
Speaker A:Oh, no, I do.
Speaker A:I do.
Speaker B:Hey.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:He was shy.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker A:His presence was just.
Speaker A:I even confessed before he even said anything.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker A:Was.
Speaker A:He was.
Speaker A:He was like that.
Speaker A:He was like that.
Speaker A:I mean.
Speaker A:I mean.
Speaker A:I mean, how important do you think you had your father in your life.
Speaker B:For a very long.
Speaker B:Lucky enough for my life.
Speaker A:All out of it.
Speaker A:For a very long time.
Speaker A:For a very, very.
Speaker B:You gave me the name Kill.
Speaker B:It was the first thing you said when I was born.
Speaker A:Yeah, you see?
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Lucky you.
Speaker A:Lucky you.
Speaker A:Some of them.
Speaker A:Some people don't know their father.
Speaker A:Some people don't know their fathers.
Speaker A:And then people like you don't want to step up and be stepfathers.
Speaker A:How dare you guys.
Speaker A:You guys should step up and be stepdads.
Speaker A:You guys could do that.
Speaker A:You know, you guys can.
Speaker A:You guys can do that.
Speaker A:What is the importance.
Speaker A:You can be anything you want in life.
Speaker A:Except.
Speaker A:Look, I'm not going to accept being a stepdad quickly on that.
Speaker A:Would you ever be a stepdad?
Speaker A:And why.
Speaker B:I would be a stepdad, actually.
Speaker A:However, Justin J.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So my opinion on being a stepfather, if we have to be honest, there's no guy that wakes up in the morning and say, I want to be a step.
Speaker B:I'm gonna work hard, go to the gym and be a stepfather.
Speaker A:I mean.
Speaker B:Yeah, I don't think guys do that.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker B:But should you find yourself in that position of becoming a stepfather, I think you stepping up to becoming a stepfather will be based on the type of woman that you have.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You understand?
Speaker B:And I think we also need to be fair, you know, as a machida who also come with kids, if you become a stepfather, then she becomes a stepmother.
Speaker B:The only difference between the two is that when you don't come with the baby, in terms of living arrangements.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Meaning that you're gonna be a active stepfather.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:She's gonna be a temporal stepmom.
Speaker A:What is temporal stepmother?
Speaker B:Because you don't stay with your child.
Speaker B:Okay, so in terms of living arrangements, when you stay with your stepchild and your new lady.
Speaker A:Hey, we go through it.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:So do you think such arrangements are easier if, for example, you got custody of your kid and then she comes through with her kid?
Speaker A:Do you think it's then easier to make a blended family?
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker B:It becomes a blended family.
Speaker B:It becomes actually healthy because there's A balance now to say, okay, you know what?
Speaker A:It's also like.
Speaker B:Can you handle this?
Speaker B:I mean, I'll handle this.
Speaker B:Instead of now.
Speaker B:I think one of the biggest frustration is the fact you are financially implicated on your step child's life, whereas the stepmother is not financially implicated.
Speaker A:You know that word, implicated?
Speaker A:It has got such a thing as, like, you're implicated in this.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:Yeah, it is.
Speaker B:Because if.
Speaker B:If.
Speaker B:You know why?
Speaker B:Because now instead of you paying, pay.
Speaker B:If you're paying rent or paying bond, if you're paying rent for.
Speaker B:If you were supposed to pay rent for two people, now you're paying for three people.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because if you're paying food for two people, now you have to pay for three people.
Speaker B:You understand?
Speaker B:That's where the disconnect comes from when it comes to guys not wanting to become stepdads or criticize that.
Speaker B:Become stepdads.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And I said, as V said, you.
Speaker A:Have all the responsibilities without.
Speaker A:Without the duty.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:No, the authority.
Speaker A:The authority.
Speaker A:All those participants.
Speaker B:Without the authority.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's slavery.
Speaker B:Don't say it's a responsibility without.
Speaker B:I'm serious.
Speaker B:That's what they call it.
Speaker B:It's called slavery.
Speaker A:If that kid's father pulls up and says, hey, I want my kid now.
Speaker A:I'm taking my kid out.
Speaker A:That kid is gonna be like, ah, Daddy's here.
Speaker A:Let's go.
Speaker A:I don't care about you no more.
Speaker B:I know the story about a kid, a girl child who was raised by a stepfather for, I think, 10 years.
Speaker B:Then she got married.
Speaker B:The father didn't want anything to do with that child.
Speaker B:When she finally got married, she wanted her biological father to walk her down the aisle.
Speaker A:Not the stepdad, not the step there.
Speaker A:But he stepped up, though.
Speaker B:No, no, he stepped up, but then it didn't do anything for him.
Speaker A:He doesn't have the authority to walk around in stories like that.
Speaker A:That's mad.
Speaker B:But then again, I can even tell you a story of a successful blended family whereby there is a father that is taking care of, that is respectful.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:That loves this father like his own, vice versa.
Speaker B:And, you know, everything is good.
Speaker B:And then also there is a situation whereby there is no financial implication.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Whereby Umama came with Umduana, but she can hold things down for herself.
Speaker B:Yeah, she's good.
Speaker A:She's fine.
Speaker B:The only thing that she wants is just you guys to be in a good and healthy relationship, and that's it, you know?
Speaker B:I mean, nothing is forced and everything is just naturally and organically developing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because to Love a child is a choice.
Speaker B:A child that is not yours.
Speaker B:It's a choice because naturally you'll kill.
Speaker B:I mean, that's what happens in the animal kingdom.
Speaker B:The first thing that a lion does when he meets a.
Speaker B:A female lion, kills the cops, kills the cubs.
Speaker B:And I, like, there's no negotiations whatever.
Speaker B:Like that line kills the cubs.
Speaker B:And there's nothing that mother would do in order.
Speaker B:Like, nothing.
Speaker B:I mean, you guys know about this.
Speaker B:You can Google it.
Speaker B:You can go on YouTube.
Speaker B:Google it.
Speaker A:Do your research.
Speaker B:Yeah, do your research.
Speaker B:The first thing that the chat.
Speaker A:GPT.
Speaker B:Yeah, the first thing that the alpha man does.
Speaker B:Kill the kid.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Then he starts his own family.
Speaker B:So Tina's job and not animals.
Speaker B:It's easier for us to learn to love, especially when Umdana is respectful.
Speaker B:Guys, I need to emphasize this part.
Speaker B:One of the things that makes being a stepfather unbearable or insufferable is the fact of these kids are so damn disrespectful.
Speaker A:How could you be so disrespectful?
Speaker B:These kids are so disrespectful, they'll remind.
Speaker A:You you ain't my real dad.
Speaker B:Yeah, you're not my real dad, Mom.
Speaker B:And also, if you can ask any baby mama.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:You must ask them.
Speaker B:Can I discipline your child the way I want to?
Speaker A:There's no.
Speaker B:The other is no.
Speaker B:Because, I mean, how I discipline my child.
Speaker B:Well, he's five now.
Speaker B:I've never even disciplined him in an extreme way.
Speaker B:It's just.
Speaker B:It's just a different tone.
Speaker A:And then he knows, just give him a choke slap.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's exactly what I'm gonna.
Speaker A:But wait.
Speaker B:But what he did.
Speaker A:I also can't wait to choke slamming.
Speaker B:Yeah, I also can't wait to do that.
Speaker A:No, it's coming.
Speaker B:But when my son gets to a certain age, like teens, when he starts, you know, going crazy.
Speaker A:If he chokes slamming the person.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:I'm choke slamming him.
Speaker B:But you would never do that to your stepchild.
Speaker A:Nah.
Speaker B:Well, you're not gonna beat my.
Speaker B:My son.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That's not.
Speaker A:Is that.
Speaker B:But you must pay for my son's.
Speaker A:Ability without the authority.
Speaker A:I refuse.
Speaker B:You don't have the authority.
Speaker B:Like you can't tell that child, gut, it's eight o'.
Speaker A:Clock.
Speaker B:Go to bed.
Speaker B:Yeah, they can fly.
Speaker A:God forbid that.
Speaker A:God forbid his dad lets him stay up until 10 at his house.
Speaker A:Yeah, my real dad.
Speaker A:Ah, exactly.
Speaker B:So now you see that you're not only dealing with the.
Speaker B:The.
Speaker B:The baby mama, you are dealing with the child.
Speaker B:Then on top of that, you need to deal with a guy, a baby father.
Speaker B:And imagine if.
Speaker B:Imagine dealing with a me as a baby dad.
Speaker B:I'm going to you up.
Speaker B:Yeah, I'm going to you up because there's no way you're going to date someone that's bigger than me unless it's big show.
Speaker B:Yeah, there's no.
Speaker B:What are you going to do here?
Speaker B:What you going to do Do.
Speaker B:If I come and I take my child, what you gonna do?
Speaker A:Nothing.
Speaker B:There's nothing.
Speaker B:And now my child is gonna say, I'm gonna tell my dad.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's sort of.
Speaker B:I actually, I was actually telling you guys.
Speaker B:How would it sound if it's laugh?
Speaker A:Sure.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And then there's a guy that's pulling up.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:He's walking by.
Speaker B:And then the first thing that you say is.
Speaker A:I'll let the comment section talk about that.
Speaker B:How does it sound?
Speaker A:It sounds.
Speaker A:It sounds music to my ears.
Speaker A:Hey, it's just.
Speaker A:You're not believing that.
Speaker B:No, it doesn't.
Speaker B:So in most cases, playing that role or stepping up, it doesn't benefit you more than it benefits the child and the mother.
Speaker B:And I mean, I'm not bashing that step up.
Speaker B:Actually, I commend them because who walk out on their kids are douchebags, in my opinion.
Speaker B:And why would you reproduce with someone that you're not gonna.
Speaker A:I know, right.
Speaker B:With.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Unless maybe a relationship broke up.
Speaker B:Immaculate.
Speaker B:Whereby you guys agreed, but you guys gonna continue, you know, co parenting.
Speaker B:I think in that situation, in situations whereby you're just gonna plant and then you dash.
Speaker B:It does not make sense, you know what I mean?
Speaker B:Because both of you guys firstly are responsible for everything that does.
Speaker B:I would have an argument though, we would see women choose who they mate with.
Speaker B:But I don't want to be canceled.
Speaker A:Who's gonna cancel?
Speaker A:You?
Speaker B:No, I'm just saying Gucci, because that's a debate that said who cares?
Speaker B:He said it.
Speaker A:He said who cares.
Speaker B:No, you know what?
Speaker B:Because I've had this conversation before with women to segregate who choose to reproduce with these type of guys.
Speaker A:It's the ladies who choose the ladies.
Speaker B:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker B:So now are we going to solely blame these guys for leaving their kids or are we also going to give the accountability to the woman for laying down with these kind of men?
Speaker B:I think it's.
Speaker A:I think it's okay.
Speaker A:So the accountability should be on who they chose to lay with on both sides.
Speaker A:I think I like to place a lot more responsibility on the men's shoulders.
Speaker B:Me too.
Speaker A:I like whether or not they're responsible.
Speaker A:Not just put responsibility on them, because the world just expects you to be responsible.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:No, I don't agree.
Speaker A:Now, the world expects you to be.
Speaker A:Oh, of course the world expects you to be.
Speaker A:So if you get with a lady that is like, okay, you say, okay, I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker A:We all made mistakes.
Speaker A:We're like, you've been there.
Speaker A:We're like, I shouldn't have done that.
Speaker A:Yeah, but I did.
Speaker A:But then here's this child.
Speaker A:And then you say, I'm going to assume responsibility for this child the best way that I can.
Speaker A:I commend you as a guy for doing that.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker A:But if you as the female making life difficult for me to.
Speaker A:To provide for my child, now, whose problem is that?
Speaker B:Yeah, true.
Speaker B:That's why they call it single baby mama drama.
Speaker A:A single baby.
Speaker B:Oh, I added the signal.
Speaker A:I don't know.
Speaker A:The baby mama drama drama.
Speaker B:Whereby.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It becomes hard for you to.
Speaker B:To be a father.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:To provide.
Speaker B:You can't see.
Speaker B:Based on the factory.
Speaker B:You didn't send money this month.
Speaker B:And I just want to see my child.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:I didn't send money, but I want to see my child.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So now.
Speaker B:No, no, no.
Speaker B:Because, you know, most.
Speaker B:Most, Most guys don't see their child because, like, they have to pay entrance fee to assume.
Speaker B:Dan.
Speaker B:Really?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So that you make a logic out of it.
Speaker B:If you didn't send money this month, then you're not gonna see my child.
Speaker A:So maybe that's why the father seemed to be absent.
Speaker A:Because now you are taxing me to death.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:Just for me to see my child.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So I know a lot of are going through that.
Speaker B:I know guys are going through that.
Speaker B:And now you have men that have to now deal with Abu Ma.
Speaker B:Now you imagine having to pay to sue.
Speaker B:I mean, I would say.
Speaker B:You know what I'm saying?
Speaker A:So is this fee just like.
Speaker A:Because I know there's that monthly baby.
Speaker A:You pay.
Speaker A:You pay the child support.
Speaker A:I must pay on top of that.
Speaker B:You must.
Speaker B:No, you pay the child support.
Speaker A:I must pay on top of it.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:Like, okay, let's say you missed your child support.
Speaker B:Because when they get something.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Because go through.
Speaker A:Yeah, we do.
Speaker B:You understand?
Speaker B:So if.
Speaker B:Let's say you.
Speaker B:You didn't pay child support, but you've been paying, but you want to see your child.
Speaker A:I'm denied access to see my.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Go through that.
Speaker B:Like the.
Speaker B:Didn't pay child support.
Speaker B:And then you know what?
Speaker B:Other.
Speaker B:Other guys are even put on child support through courts before they even resolve it as a family.
Speaker B:There's a certain amount of money that is expected to pay instead of what's needed for the child.
Speaker A:That's not.
Speaker A:That's not all right.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:This is why it's crazy.
Speaker A:This is why people are.
Speaker A:Are behind Anthony Edwards.
Speaker A:What he did.
Speaker A:You know what Anthony, the NBA player did?
Speaker B:Oh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:Oh, it was.
Speaker B:That was.
Speaker A:That was.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:He has meter.
Speaker B:You see that?
Speaker A:She's actually complaining.
Speaker A:She complaining.
Speaker A:Already spent 100 grand.
Speaker A:So by the time this kid turns 18, it'll be child.
Speaker B:And that's not.
Speaker B:That's not.
Speaker A:I've done my part.
Speaker A:The study's problem.
Speaker A:First of all, it's called child support.
Speaker B:It's for the child.
Speaker A:So what does it.
Speaker A:Where did 100 grand go for a child that's less than one year old?
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Hey, bro.
Speaker A:Hey, bro.
Speaker B:Brazilian hair, Peruvian holiday, then.
Speaker A:Holiday here and there.
Speaker B:Your boyfriend's car.
Speaker A:She's probably spending that money on some other man.
Speaker B:So now you.
Speaker B:You putting a government in between your relationship with your son.
Speaker B:And then when that fails, I mean, I always say, Guti, guys shouldn't be put on child support unless they don't want to pay.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think conversations needs to be had whereby you say, guti, you need to support.
Speaker B:And I remember this thing.
Speaker B:Riley from Boondocks.
Speaker B:Philosopher.
Speaker A:The philosopher.
Speaker B:Yeah, he.
Speaker B:He said something like, if.
Speaker B:If mom can't afford to.
Speaker B:To provide for us, why can't we stay with dad?
Speaker A:That's a.
Speaker A:That's dope, actually.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So if.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:So what's the answer?
Speaker A:Do we have an answer?
Speaker B:No, we don't have an answer.
Speaker B:But in America, statistics show Gucci, single fathers, they make better parents than single mothers.
Speaker A:Really?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:On top of that.
Speaker B:And this is America.
Speaker B:I can make a research about South Africa.
Speaker B:It's just that in our data is so up.
Speaker B:And then also when you look at single baby mamas, they.
Speaker B:They produce ama degenerates in a community.
Speaker B:If you go to jails, most people are raised by single mothers.
Speaker B:If you go to.
Speaker B:I'm serious.
Speaker A:You don't around in your dad's house?
Speaker B:No, it's, it's, it's.
Speaker B:It's a truth.
Speaker A:Whose house are you gonna do this?
Speaker B:It's the truth.
Speaker B:So this is America.
Speaker B:I don't know about South Africa.
Speaker B:In America, single single fathers, they make better parents than single mothers.
Speaker B:By stats?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:There's not too many single Fathers.
Speaker B:But the little that are there, they make better single fathers.
Speaker A:And why do you think that is disciplinary?
Speaker B:Like, just like you said, I think they might lack nurturing and the love that they push more on discipline and, you know, tough love.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:Done nurturing with.
Speaker B:I mean, I get away with a lot of.
Speaker B:With my mom, I got away with them, but not with my father.
Speaker A:But don't you think fathers express their love through discipline?
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker B:No, Definitely.
Speaker B:Be an upstanding.
Speaker B:Yes, that's love.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It's the same, same love that you'd even give to your wife when you start telling her, guti, nigger, you need to start dressing up properly.
Speaker B:It's not hate.
Speaker A:I was like, you need to stop the wigs.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:Not me.
Speaker B:I'm not into wigs.
Speaker B:I would take women at the.
Speaker A:Stop the wigs, Stop the wigs.
Speaker A:Brazilians don't love you.
Speaker A:Stop the wigs.
Speaker A:Put your natural.
Speaker B:That's toxic.
Speaker A:That's not toxic.
Speaker B:I don't say.
Speaker B:They will say that.
Speaker B:They'll say that.
Speaker A:I don't care.
Speaker A:I told my wife this is going to continue.
Speaker A:No, none of that.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:I don't need something shedding in my bed.
Speaker A:What are we doing?
Speaker A:That's not toxic.
Speaker A:That's just cleanliness.
Speaker B:And then she has a right to tell you with your dog.
Speaker B:Because everywhere to say that, one thing.
Speaker A:She told me was like, can you please grow out your beard?
Speaker A:I don't want you clean shaven anymore.
Speaker B:So look at you now.
Speaker B:You get there, though.
Speaker A:What day?
Speaker A:What day when you grow up?
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:I get you some of those beard oil.
Speaker A:Oils.
Speaker A:Give me some oils, bro.
Speaker A:So if you, if so based on how you.
Speaker A:So you have a child.
Speaker A:I know you have a.
Speaker A:You have a kid, right.
Speaker A:Would you have done it differently based on everything you've gone through now?
Speaker A:What you.
Speaker A:What you know what would have done?
Speaker A:So would you also.
Speaker A:Would you have married the.
Speaker A:Your mother, your child first, and then have the kid with her or giving the circumstance?
Speaker A:Because the question comes.
Speaker A:I had a friend who said, if I could do it over again, I'm never, ever having a child with someone I'm not married to.
Speaker B:Okay, now I understand.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So you know, the difference between, you know, my relationship with the mother of my child was not a typical relationship.
Speaker B:Like we planned, like we said that we're like, you know what?
Speaker B:Let's have a child.
Speaker A:Okay, Okay.
Speaker A:I thought was like, whoops, no, no.
Speaker B:No, it was not.
Speaker B:Trust me.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was.
Speaker B:You see, the reason why contraceptives are called family planning.
Speaker B:Is that you are planning for a family.
Speaker B:You choose when to have a family.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Stop to have a.
Speaker B:When you stop taking those contraceptives, then you are planning to have a child.
Speaker B:We sat down and we decided to listen.
Speaker B:I think we are good in these aspects.
Speaker B:Financially, we are good.
Speaker B:We're doing well in our careers and this is what's going on.
Speaker B:We love each other.
Speaker B:We've been together for a long time.
Speaker B:Let's have a baby.
Speaker B:Then we had a baby.
Speaker B:I even came up with the name way before the people was even born.
Speaker B:My son was planned.
Speaker B:We even bought a new car when this was born.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:For him.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:You know, so I wouldn't do it differently because he.
Speaker B:It was planned.
Speaker B:And, you know, everything that happened from the whole process of it, even with the families being involved, Nanani, everything just was smooth, you know, that's why I don't have issues that most people will have, you know?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's not enough.
Speaker B:I can call him now and just tell him then, you know, that's it.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:So, you know, you don't struggle with baby mama.
Speaker B:No, no, no, no.
Speaker B:He's not a baby.
Speaker B:She's not a baby mama.
Speaker B:She's the mother of my child.
Speaker A:There's a big difference between.
Speaker A:I know there's a big.
Speaker A:That's why I don't suffer with our drama.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:No, that's good.
Speaker B:That's good.
Speaker B:No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker B:I think it's.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It goes back to the things that we were talking about earlier about choosing who we reproduce with and being intentional about, you know, whether relationships work out or not.
Speaker B:But at the end of the day, you guys need to be friends.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:You know, you need to co parent.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:No, no, no, definitely.
Speaker B:Ah, definitely.
Speaker B:Yeah, That's.
Speaker B:That's very important.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:It.
Speaker B:It.
Speaker B:You.
Speaker B:We are bringing up in a proper, you know, environment.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, I mean, if.
Speaker B:When Dolly become n. So now imagine if you're a single baby mom.
Speaker B:Who you gonna call?
Speaker A:Ghostbusters.
Speaker B:You get what I'm saying?
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:I mean, you're gonna call your baby dad.
Speaker B:He's that goof with other, you know, hoes.
Speaker B:What do you want?
Speaker B:Or he looks at your phone and he's like, so.
Speaker B:So you.
Speaker B:I think women need to just choose who they have, who they produce, actually.
Speaker B:I mean, I always tell women, never sleep with someone you'd never want to have a child with.
Speaker A:Ah, thank you.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:Say it again, Say it again.
Speaker A:Say it again.
Speaker A:For someone who missed it.
Speaker B:Never sleep with someone you'd never want to have a child.
Speaker A:One more time.
Speaker A:No, I'm being dead serious.
Speaker A:One more time.
Speaker B:Never sleep with someone you never want to have a child with.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Talks about masculinity at its best.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker A:Yeah, my body might.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So don't.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it goes both ways.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:Even as a guy, don't sleep with someone that you never want them to carry your seed.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And when I say seed, I'm being intentional about you actually, you know, wasting your lineage based on the effectual.
Speaker B:You just wanna not, you know, so.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:So the final question I. I would like to.
Speaker A:To ask you.
Speaker A:So you've got a son.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I also want you to imagine that you have a daughter.
Speaker A:And I've got selfish reasons for asking this question.
Speaker A:Won't go into it.
Speaker B:You know why?
Speaker A:You know why?
Speaker A:Very.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:So if you're speaking to your son first and then your daughter next, what message would you want to give your son that you haven't told, you haven't spoken about on the show about the type of person he should be when he's 21?
Speaker A:Actually, that's when Sydney's is key.
Speaker A:And the same for your daughter, by the way.
Speaker A:Huh?
Speaker B:Which is Western.
Speaker A:Which is Western.
Speaker A:I'm just saying.
Speaker A:Yeah, It's a very Western thing, but we live a lot with the Western stuff.
Speaker B:Even this is Western.
Speaker A:Yeah, this is.
Speaker A:This is.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:So these bikes are wasted.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Okay, Dr. Umar, so what message would you like to.
Speaker A:Would you want to give your.
Speaker A:Your child, your son to be 21?
Speaker A:And same message for what you want your daughter to be when she's 21.
Speaker A:Starting with the boy, then.
Speaker B:That's a very hard question.
Speaker B:Eh?
Speaker A:That's why I asked.
Speaker B:Ah, damn.
Speaker B:I would say to my son, be who you are.
Speaker B:Be straight.
Speaker B:Do not confirm to why.
Speaker A:Be straight.
Speaker B:Yeah, Be straight.
Speaker B:Do not confirm to the standards of the world, because those are the standards that will confuse who you are.
Speaker B:Hence, I started with straight parts.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because the world will tell you that you know who you are.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Do not forget you know where you come from.
Speaker B:And you can be whatever you want to be.
Speaker B:My son.
Speaker B:I can be whatever you want to be.
Speaker B:Then to my daughter I would say, be feminine.
Speaker B:Basking your femininity.
Speaker B:You know, do not go with these standards.
Speaker B:You know, I've been here so long that I've seen things change over and over again.
Speaker B:Be feminine, respectful.
Speaker B:Don't forget who you are.
Speaker B:And you can be Whatever you want to be.
Speaker B:This was a very hard question, actually.
Speaker B:I had to think about it.
Speaker A:That's why I asked it.
Speaker A:That's why.
Speaker B:And so the reason why I was even saying.
Speaker B:I was talking about how the world changes is that not too long ago, FIFA was endorsing the idea of the.
Speaker B:And I'm.
Speaker B:I have nothing against the.
Speaker B:The flag team.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:The LGBTQ community, they're endorsing it.
Speaker B:They're pushing it.
Speaker B:You had Captain unbending it, didn't they, not too long ago.
Speaker B:They do away with it.
Speaker B:You get what I'm saying?
Speaker B:So you see that the world changes.
Speaker A:Every now and then.
Speaker B:So you have.
Speaker B:You live in a certain era of time where they tell you be gay, and then.
Speaker A:Now you need to be.
Speaker B:Now you need to go back to whatever you are.
Speaker B:I remember.
Speaker B:Oh, shout out to.
Speaker B:Yeah, Kumalo.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:He was saying one of the things that he doesn't like about.
Speaker B:I don't.
Speaker B:I know we.
Speaker B:We diverting, but he said one of the things that he doesn't like about the LGBTQ community is that they were not there during the apartment.
Speaker B:It's one of the most selfish movements.
Speaker B:And I'm quoting.
Speaker B:This is not me.
Speaker B:I'm just quoting.
Speaker B:He says it's.
Speaker B:It's one of the most selfish movements because they're always fighting for their rights.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, they never fight.
Speaker B:I mean, like, for us men, we don't fight for men's rights.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Would fight about.
Speaker B:Oh, fight about child abuse, would fight about xenophobia.
Speaker B:All of that.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker B:We take part into every society issues, but when it comes to the LGBTQ are the only fights about their own rights.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So this is.
Speaker A:This.
Speaker B:That's the way I'm bringing it back to how the world changes.
Speaker B:Changes.
Speaker B:And how the world forces you to, you know, like, one, two, like, question yourself.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:So we live in an era whereby you.
Speaker B:You have to be yourself and anything that you say is cringe or it's insensitive or it's toxic.
Speaker B:You know what I mean?
Speaker B:And these are the conversations that people would have in their private spaces, but I think we should have more of them so that we live in a more real world than the original world.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah, okay.
Speaker A:No, that's good.
Speaker A:That's good.
Speaker A:And also, Dominic, it ran through.
Speaker A:Now I'm just.
Speaker A:I'm quoting him.
Speaker A:All right, my brother.
Speaker A:It's always a pleasure having you on.
Speaker B:Are we done?
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:We.
Speaker A:The thing is, we could go and for another two hours.
Speaker A:You know.
Speaker A:You know it good.
Speaker A:You know it good.
Speaker A:So is there any last parting words that you want to.
Speaker A:Want to share now, given that you are at this new phase in your life?
Speaker A:It is a new face.
Speaker A:The things that you've seen and things that you are.
Speaker A:Is there any last things you want to tell the.
Speaker A:The audience now who call you toxic, but I don't think you're toxic.
Speaker A:Some people are just sensitive.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah, people are very sensitive.
Speaker B:But you know what I think my last words would be?
Speaker B:You know, whatever that you're going through, you know, just be close to the ones that love you.
Speaker B:I mean, I'm standing right now based on the fact you would see I'm with the people that love me.
Speaker B:And I want to.
Speaker B:And I want to also, you know, thank my family.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:My friends and.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, I can't mention names, but a lot of people that, you know, stood by me and by us, you know, during our trying times, and it's a journey that will forever continue.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think I'll just want to dedicate this episode to my father.
Speaker B:I used to train with him back in the days.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Actually.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:I was riding a normal bicycle.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Fast.
Speaker B:And I would want a bicycle that has a background.
Speaker B:Yeah, that was him.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So, yeah.
Speaker B:And my dad as well.
Speaker B:I'm junior, by the way.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But, yeah, I may continue.
Speaker B:Rest in peace.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:We love you.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:Yeah, that's it.
Speaker A:Yes, that's it.
Speaker A:That's it.
Speaker A:It's always a pleasure.
Speaker A:It's always a pleasure.
Speaker A:We will definitely do round four when the book comes out December this year.
Speaker A:I'm making a commitment.
Speaker A:It's time.
Speaker A:It's time.
Speaker A:It's time.
Speaker A:I might get canceled because of that.
Speaker A:That book.
Speaker B:Oh, really?
Speaker A:No, no.
Speaker A:There's a.
Speaker A:There's a section where I talk about lies that are told about women and that women tell.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Damn.
Speaker B:So we must actually launch it proper.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So I'm working with a publishing company, but even with the launching proper, it would just have, like, multiple launches and all that.
Speaker A:But we'll.
Speaker A:We'll see.
Speaker A:Even if we start with the soft launch and then go so that.
Speaker A:But at least it's out.
Speaker A:And then we carry on with the momentum with it.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:So I blame him for the pressure.
Speaker A:But anyway, guys, thank you very much for joining us on another episode on the NJ Podcast here with my man Karabu Kerry.
Speaker A:The.
Speaker A:He's a real man because he supports Orlando Pirates.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:If you don't support Land of Pirates.
Speaker A:I don't know what you're doing.
Speaker A:You deserve all the drama in your life.
Speaker A:So remember God there go be successful.
Speaker A:Remember that success is a progressive realization of a way, the ideal that means you're going after what you've always want to go after goes aligned with your highest values.
Speaker A:And that's the only way that you'll live a truly fulfilled, successful and inspired life.
Speaker A:Men.
Speaker A:Go out there, be men and provide women don't get ran through.
Speaker A:I think that's a.
Speaker B:Got it.
